Uncomplicating Compliments

-


“You look great today.”

 “I like your style.”

 “Your smile is contagious.”

 “You have a great sense of humor.”

“Your voice is magnificent.”

Whether we accept it or not, all of us are familiar these types of compliments. We may not receive them daily but we ain’t alien to them on special occasions. I recently attended the farewell party at my college and it was certainly a great place to put my recent knowledge of psychology into use. What i realized is that most of us can’t take a compliment and don’t even realize it. Maybe we don’t respect ourselves as being worthy of admiration or we believe refusing a compliment or putting ourselves down makes us seem humble. More often than not, how receptive we are to compliments is a reflection of our self-esteem and deep feelings of self worth. Here are some negative ways in which we respond to compliments. Can you find yourself in the list?

“You look awesome in this shirt”

 1. Comment History- “Oh, I bought it from New Delhi.” (you offer a comment on your shirt, it shifts the attention from you)

2. Reassignment- “My brother gave it to me.” (you agree with the compliment assertion, but shift the attention to something else)

3. Return- “You look amazing too.” (you return the praise to the speaker)

4. Scale down- “Actually its quite old.” (you disagree with the compliment & points to some flaw in the shirt)

5. Question- “Do you really think so?”, "Are you kidding me?" (you question the sincerity of the compliment)

6. Disagreement- “I just don’t like it.” (you assert that the shirt is not worthy of the praise)

7. Qualification- “It’s all right, but Harsh’s is nicer.” (you merely qualify the original assertion, usually with though, but, well, etc.)

8. Request interpretation- “You wanna borrow this one?” (you consciously or not, interpret the compliment as a request)

9. No acknowledgement- “Did you watch the match yesterday?” (you give no indication of having heard the compliment)

If you are among the “yous” above, there is something that is obstructing you from taking compliments. There is no harm in taking the compliments given to you because disagreeing with it, in some way, is an insult to the judgement of the addresser. 

 Some better ways to accept compliments:

“Hey! Nice hairstyle.”

1. Appreciation token- “Thank you” (an acceptance of the compliment)

2. Comment acceptance- “Yeah, I like it, too” (accepting the compliment and offering a relevant comment on it)

3. Praise upgrade- “Really goes with my face, doesn't it?” (accepting the compliment and asserting something along with it)


I am not very good at taking compliments on everything about me too but the world doesn’t always see us the way we see ourselves. The way we respond to the compliments we get affects the addresser subconsciously. My recent experiences with people & growing interest in socio-psychology made me write this here. Hope it’s useful for some of you.

Always open to suggestions & compliments. :p

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Viewed

Matters of Perspective

-
Image
A: “ the tea was very sugary ” B: “ the tea was sugar free ” A & B came to these conclusions after taking sips from the same cup of tea.C then decided to unmask the liar by enquiring the cook.The cook avowed that the tea got sweetened unintentionally. It seemed clear that B was misstating but he kept claiming his veracity.  How could the tea be both sugary and sugar free simultaneously? B was about to be jailed    .On further inquiry, it was disclosed that B was actually a chocoholic and had eaten a chocolate minutes before he drank the tea.He wasn’t lying, the tea actually seemed “sugar free” in his perspective.He was acquitted and lived happily ever after. Life is a matter of perspective.We often develop perspectives based on our experiences ,which further evolve our decision making.Two people in a divergent set of circumstances may patently choose the opposite alternatives when offered the same.A person who is lost on an island will take any fat c...
Read more

How Good is your Journey?

-
Image
"is   haar ka bojh   kitna bhaari hai... ye tumhe shayad abhi samajh me nahi aayega" Most of us are familiar to this dialogue from Srk’s stunner ‘Chak De! India ’ . I recently watched it again. Kabir Khan knows what it’s like to be down & out and comes back in a new avatar to coach the Indian National Women’s Hockey team, a rag-tag bunch of girls who had bygone team spirit, played for themselves and not the nation. Kabir unites the underestimated women to achieve a common goal above their individual interests & they end up winning the world cup. HAPPY ENDING!   Let me take you back to the scene when srk forewarns the two lead strikers that they are too weak to bear the affliction of defeat. Was it really “winning or nothing” for them that day? Wasn’t it enough for a group which was merely a team on paper and not in reality, to step up, value relationships, work as a team and reach the finals of the world cup. Was their journey worthless? Life...
Read more

Time To Detach

-
Image
Courtesy: theladders.com “I wish I had got that job.” “I wish that girl liked me back.” “I wish I had done it earlier.” How often do you hear this? If you ask me, quite a lot! To find that so many people around me are living a life in regret is both astonishing and sad. Nearly always, I can see that they have enough opportunities around them to compass the same level of satisfaction and happiness that they are yearning for but for some reason they just can’t see it themselves. At times, it is not possible for us to visualize our situation from a third person’s perspective which is almost always far more objective than our own. Many of us believe that there exists a puzzle that we are confined to. Certain turns inside would lead us to what we are hooked to (say a goal) and other turns will take us to a dead-end or worse, into a river of despair. We would live a great life only if things go according to our plans. If we take certain wrong decisions or things don’t...
Read more