Why We Justify?

“It’s the most amazing feeling in the world,” Nisha said.

She never sounded this loud on the phone. Finally, my friend who always ran away from love, was drowned in it. It was hard to believe how  the same person who believed that love is a total waste of time and exists only in movies was admiring it. Cluelessly, I asked, “ What about that ‘Love is shit’ thing you used to say?”

“I was an idiot back then,” she said cheerfully.

“And now you are not?”

“Not at all. I always needed someone I could share my thoughts with. It feels great now.”

It seemed like I was talking to the sweeter twin of my evil “love-hater” friend. “Never seen you like this,” I said.

“You’ll get it when you fall in love. Gotta go now. Goodbye. Take care.”

“You too. Bye.”

This isn’t the first time I noticed it. The conviction with which our mind justifies our current situation not only to others but also to ourselves. Apart from my friend, I’ve seen so many people who boast of being single and its perks until they get committed to someone and then start speaking the other way around. Not only our relationship statuses, we justify a lot of things in our day to day lives.

Whenever we want to do something, our mind gathers all the positive points associated to it so that we can counter any questions laid on us either by others or by ourselves. We only want to see our side of it, without looking into other aspects. But what we justify today, we may regret tomorrow.

For example, a few years ago, I only watched Bollywood movies. So whenever I met someone who loved Hollywood instead, I used to say that I’m too “Desi” for that. My mind collected all the positive points like ‘we should support Indian stuff’ , ‘we’re forgetting our strengths and culture’, ‘we aren’t less than anyone’ etc to justify my mindset. Later on, when I myself watched some Hollywood classics, I found majority of those much better than the ones made in India. Now my points are, ‘the best should be appreciated’, ‘ they make intelligent movies on vivid subjects’ etc.

So when do we feel the need to justify ourselves? We justify, whenever we think that what we’re doing is right for the situation, it’s the only possible alternative or we need the action to make sense based on the reasons we believe are good enough to support it. We justify things that we think can’t stand on their own merit. In other words, we tend to justify what doesn’t feel right on its own. There is something about it which needs further explanation or defending.

If we let go of our need to justify and act based on our choice, it does not place judgement on the actions we’re taking. It’s all about looking within ourselves and doing what feels right intuitively without the need of explanation. If we do so, we’ll minimize a lot of unnecessary actions and gain freedom to be who we truly are.